29 lines to make you Smile

Tracy · Spot The Dog Joined: 20 Jan 2007 Posts: 19

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing
10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy! , why-th e-heck-is-the-room-spinning
medicine
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up
18.. Procrastinate Now
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
24..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD
25..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory
26...Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for
a pig
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson
29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! Life is
too short and friends are too few.